Thank Gawd its Friday!!!!

Well, Friday is here and all systems are a go. What do I mean by that? Well, DD and I are going down to visit G and his daughter tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to seeing him. Of course, now I'm getting a little bit of the jitters but that's to be expected.

I can see that this is going to be a fight. Not with G, but with myself. Already, on the phone I almost said "I love you." Whaaaat? Why would that even pop up in my mind? 'Cause I'm starting to fall back into old behaviors, trying to rush this into an emotionally intimate relationship when we are not anywhere near that yet. I guess my question is (and always has been) when are you there? Do you know, do you guess, or do you never really know but just assume (which of course always brings up that scene from 'The Odd Couple')?

I've already talked with myself (at least I'm never lonely!) about the no sex policy. This weekend is just not right, for many reasons. I'm not ready. I don't want this to be about scratching an itch. We are not there yet. Our daughters are right down the hall. Its a mistake I've commited many (many!) times in the past and one that I don't want to repeat now. I want to give this connection a real fighting chance, and I can't do that if I just hop into bed with him. I feel strangely impowered by this decision. I just hope that my brain will function when the time comes to make my stand (or will it be like Custer?).

Oh, and by the by, my boss is a bitch. Yep, I said it. She is one major bee-yatch!! A was always telling me about the run ins she has had with boss lady, but I always sort of discounted them 'cause of A's, uhm, shall we say...intensity? But, yesterday, after month 2 of having problems with the laptop and having OIT do some stupidness that never led to any satisfactory conclusion, I asked for boss lady's help. What did she say? Well you need to call RG in OIT. D'uh! Already did that. I ask her is there is someone she can call to help me get this straightened out. It was like watching Werewolf in London and The Exorcist all in one. Her head spun around, then she sprouted fangs and an oddly lupine face and then she power washed me with green pea soup! Bascially, she said that it was all on me and that she wouldn't help me. I was so angry, but it was that powerless anger because I couldn't do anything or say anything since she is the boss lady. Then, of course, I get that stupid prickle behind the eyes. Yeppers! the angry tears were threatening. Ugh! I did everything to stop them and I was successful. However, if anyone had stopped me to talk, I think the flood dam would have broken!

But, that's all in the past. And...today is Friday and I get to see G tomorrow, so, at least for right now, everything is cool.