It's a Mad Mad Mad World

Today was absolutely crazy. My DD has been working on a wierd rash on her hip. We went to the pediatrician today - turns out she has developed ring worm. Sounds nasty. I always assumed that, yes, there would be worms involved. Go figure...ya know, ring worm...but nopers. Its just a fungus, similar to the one with Athletes foot. Simple cream for about 2 weeks and its supposed to do a vanishing act.

Anyway, DD didn't want to miss too much camp (she's doing cheerleading right now), so I had to drop her off to camp for about 1 1/2 hours, then come back, pick her up, race over to her doctors office, race back to camp in time to make lunch, run over to visit Mom in the hospital then, what else was there, oh yeah that little thing called WORK!

Anyway, with all of that driving, it did give me time for contemplation. Ok, not quiet contemplation (there is no such creature on the DC Beltway!), but I was thinking (ha, ha - yeah, that is a dangerous activity for me). Well, I realized that I tend to jump into bed with guys so quickly because I just want to move beyond the initial dating thing and create a relationship. OK, I didn't say it was rational thinking, its just what I think my little pea brain is thinking way back in the cobwebbed rafters. Well, I guess I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Ever since I started having sex, its been kinda non-stop. I frankly can't remember how many guys I've slept with. With all of that craziness, I consider myself truly lucky to have never picked up some disease or been physically abused. But, anyways (thanks Mrs. Curtis!), during my last visit with my therapist (shrink? brain massager?), she said it sounded like I was addicted to sex. It makes sense. I said sex to me was like setting a big ol' bowl of salty, tasty potato chips in front of me. I just have to have one. Well, if a guy offers sex (and let's face it, what guy doesn't?) I just have to say yes.

Hello, my name is HB and I'm a sex addict
Hi HB

Well, I asked my therapist how do you get past this and she said just acknowledging it is the major hurdle. Unfortunately, I've never been good at hurdles (can't I just sit down?). I'll work on it.

So, to this end, I decided to just be upfront with G on Saturday. When the time is appropriate, I'm going to tell him that I need to wait. Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to break out in a cold sweat and my hands will shake as I turn down sex? But, I'm gonna do this because its the right thing for me. Its kinda like going on a sex diet. It won't be forever, but at least I'll respect myself in the morning ("But will you love me tomorrow?").

Oops, gotta run...DD is in the tub. More later (if I stay awake and stop playing with my new smilies!)

HB