Monday Morning Quarterback

Well, okay, it is Tuesday and it is evening. But the thought was there. No really, it was! I actually typed up a whole new post yesterday and then *POOF!* my Internet connection went belly-up and I lost the whole post (so, remind me again - why is FIOS so great?). Well, I only had 2 choices - throw the whole kit and caboodle out the window or get up, walk it off and start again later. Well, either I'm typing on what's left of my computer on the ground below my window or I got up (you decide).

So, I wanted to update you on my weekend with G. DD and I drove down on Saturday. The aim was to leave by 11:30 AM, but, well, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions as they say. Actually, what jacked us up was having to stop by Mom's rehab facility and drop off more clothes. It really was my fault - I forgot to check on her clothes situation when we visited on Friday. So, there we are on Saturday running what seemed like a thousand errands before we could actually get started. But off we got - about 1/2 hour late - on the road again (just can't wait to get on the road again - thanks Willie!).

Sigh...got caught in bad traffic. 301 was really jammed up - there was a tractor trailer that had broken down. It took the better part of an hour just to travel 10 miles. And then, wouldn't you know it, just as we get up to the truck, the tow truck whisks it away. Well, then off we go again. Driving wasn't too bad after that.

G calls me to check on our progress. Since we are running late, he suggests that we meet at the part since we need to pass it on the way to his house anyway. Well, of course I say no way 'cause that is interfering with my original plans! Let it never be said that HB lets common sense get in the way of her plans! Will I ever learn (stop shaking your head!). Well, I then had a little argument with G in my head and he won (see, I can't even win an an argument that's going on in my very own noggin!). I called G back and told him we would meet him in the park.

We hook up in the parking lot ('cause G has the tickets) and in we go. We all had a great time. Then the girls and I changed into swimsuits and hit some of the water rides while G snoozed and watched our stuff. Then, I let the girls go off by themselves and G and I sat and relaxed. Out of the blue, I ask G if he would want more kids (beware of the out-of-the-blue questions!!! They can be lethal). He said he wasn't really sure. We are both getting to the age where having another child has to be weighed against retirement age. Actually, his answer was well reasoned and not based purely on emotion. I liked that.

I then asked him my burning question - what is he looking for in a relationship? He answered that he is looking for love and marriage. He doesn't want to grow old alone. Me likey that answer even more!

We eventually made our way back to G's house. The girls ran upstairs to play and G and I stayed downstairs to watch TV and - yes - swap a little spit. We were both too tired to really get hot and heavy. However, when it came time for bed, that didn't stop him from offering his bedroom for the night. I (and I can't believe I did this) said no. HB gets bonus points for that, surely!

Sunday morning comes around and G knocks on my bedroom door and suggests that we all go out to break the fast. I pop up, throw on my robe and clean up (yeppers, I look like Alfalfa with my hair sticking straight up in the air). Then, I went into G's room and sat on his bed. Was this a mistake? I don't think so, at least not up to that point. G was back under the covers and I sat on top with my back to the foot of the bed. We chatted for awhile. Then, some how (and I'm still trying to remember how I got into this position, I wound up laying next to him, with our faces inches apart. I know it started with a foot rub, but its all hazy after that. Anyway, we started kissing (nice), then stroking (very nice), then fondling (uhm, wait a minute). Seems like I'm about to go down that very road I was trying to avoid.

G asks if I locked the door but I didn't. See God really does look out for fools and little kids (and I'm definitely a little of both!). We were both physically ready - he was hard as a rock and I was a wet as Niagara falls. But, my heart just wasn't in it yet. What is happening to me? Am I finally growing up at the tender age of *mxosm@#"? So, we parted ways and went to take our respective (cold) showers. The rest of the morning was nice - breakfast, chatting, church. The girls got along really great (which is nice). Then, DD and I drove home.

Red flag - the only one right now is an old one with G - he's been married 2x already. Why? That's a question I need to ask him at some point.

We've planned for the 2 of them to come stay with us weekend after next. I hate the thought of having to wait so long to see him. One - 'cause it would be nice to see him more often. And two - 'cause I wonder if its putting an unnatural sheen on the relationship. You know, you're so happy to be together that you don't run through the natural process of arguing and noticing the things that tick you off (not that I ever let that get in the way before!).

Good flags - he wants to marry. he's not sure about having kids.

So, the question of sleeping arrangements for the upcoming weekend. Well, you know I've been cleaning my room like mad! Its a complete wreck. We moved to this house about a year ago, but with all of the renovations and getting the rest of the house together, I haven't even touched my room. it is still full of boxes and extraneous flotsam and jetsam. So, yes, I'm cleaning because in the back of my mind there is the possibility of the sharing of the bed. Am I there yet? Meaning, am I ready yet? I don't know. This has never been a question that I've asked myself. I know that I want this to be more than just a screw or sex. And, its not making love. You have to be in love to make love (sounds like a bad T-shirt slogan). I want more than just sex - that's what you have with someone you just met in the bar and you think he's cute. I definitely don't want a screw (that's what you have when you don't even leave the bar). Can you make really, really, really like (you now, the intercourse you have before you fall madly in love)? Is there such a thing? I really do like him. I just don't want to screw (heh heh) this up.

So, here I sit, taking a break from emptying boxes in my bedroom. You know what? I miss him. I really do. But, that scares me. I'm not sure if I can handle that type of feeling. Hey, what is that big "L" doing on my forehead?