Butterflies are Free

Except the ones in my stomach! OK, new date tomorrow night. This is dinner with DED. I contacted him on Match.com about a month ago (?). We e-mailed, but he asked for phone call right away. Sigh... I think. Not another one of those that wants to rush into things. Wrong-o-Mary-Lou! We start talking, maybe a couple of times a week. The amount begins to increase and texts creep into the picture. He's got a lot to say and I like what he is saying. He's a planner, so he says. He was divorced about 4-5 years ago and says he took the time to get himself together, but now he's ready to start something serious.

My problem (and, oh, don't looked so surprised. You know that Miss A just has to have a problem!) - I'm worried that he is rushing things too much. Or, is he just saying the things he wants me to hear to that I'll give up the cookie? Let me explain. DED talks have started to zero in on assuming that this is the start of a lifetime commitment. He even talks about where we could live so that my DD and his DS could go to their respective schools. He talks about what we can do during the holidays. He talks about taking me to social events. Isn't that what every lonely heart wants to hear - that someone wants them? But, he has also asked me whether I like foreplay. Now, we all know that at this point in her life spectrum, Miss A is no prude. OK, stop laughing! My problem is that we haven't laid eyes on each other yet. Did anyone see that gun jump??? But, now that I've read that great book by Steve Harvey, I ain't giving up that cookie for another 2 months. If he can stick around that long, then, well, I'll just blow his mind (amont other body parts - HA!).

Now, on to my fear (and the cause of my butterflies). The weight gain. I was so confident as a size 10. Now, with a gain of 30 pounds, I am not even within spitting distance of size 10 (and this topic is a post all by itself for some other time). I was still OK with it. I still get looks. I've been out with ES and Dr. W. They both want to see me again, so I can attract a man. But, just one stupid little comment by TL (my tenent/contractor) and all the confidence has flown out the window. Yesterday, I lent a stadium seat cushion to TL's friend. TL then says "Don't tell me you get your rear into that little seat." Yup, he went there. I couldn't believe it. But (and here's the part where I'm finally taking some control) I actually confronted him on it rather than just back down and laugh it off. He really hurt my feelings and, worst of all, destroyed my self confidence. Now, I'm afraid that DED will take one look at me and go "Ugh! Look at the rear! How does she fit into a stadium cushion seat?" Well, OK, maybe not that last sentence (smile), but the rest...Hell to the yes! DED tells me that I'm already in his mind. I remind him that men are very visual creatures. I really like this guy, which makes it all the more difficult. If he turns me down, I'll be crushed.

Well, here is what I'm gonna do. I need to reach out to ES and Dr. W and set up dates for next week as well. I need to know that I have that going for me. And, I'm really starting to like ES. Found out he was a reporter, which has built him up a steps (or more) in my mind.

Well, I'm off to figure out what I can wear for dinner tomorrow. I will def post a play-by-play after the date. Wish me luck!

Miss A